Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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