not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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