Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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