my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
