She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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