I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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