I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She even gives head with a lisp.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We talked him into tasing himself.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize