nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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