When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
