I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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