just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize