He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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