Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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