Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
