Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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