marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
