there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
