I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
