New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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