It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Still dying that you shit outside
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
