I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So much rum. So many feels.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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