I didn't shave. On purpose
Me. At least after what I've been through.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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