oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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