did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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