You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
