I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
third nipple confirmed
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
