It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
