I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
soo... how was my night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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