My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
