nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
