I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
