girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I touched a dick in church today
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
