she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My life is pants optional.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
