He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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