Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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