Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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