I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who died my cat blue again?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
