Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
