I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
