If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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