i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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