You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
