The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
