Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
