Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
