Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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