Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
