i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
