im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
