Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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