he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
this is an emotional support booty call
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
