Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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