i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it because I queefed?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize