I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize