I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
