so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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