In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize