you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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