It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
