It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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