the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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