Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
