I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize