I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
