if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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