im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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