I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize