I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
