After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she smelled like a LAN party
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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