So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
