I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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