i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
