yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize