both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
